Let's talk about sex baby...

Image by Kelly Bell

In keeping with the 'discussing subjects that gain little attention' philosophy, I thought it would be worthwhile to address some issues that PWN may encounter when it comes to sex. Under the age of 18? Know me in real life? Kindly click back to another post please. Thanks!

Sex, love making, rumpy pumpy, bonking, humping - whatever you call it, we all do it (if we're lucky!), enjoy it and yet it's still a bit of a taboo subject when considering issues that affect a PWN. It's not a topic that crops up too often in the forums and an area with very little research. I don't think it's something I've ever discussed with a physician, let alone anyone in a virtual world filled with complete strangers. I must be insane writing this post!

Too tired for sex

It's fair to say that this isn't an issue effecting PWN. Children, a change in circumstances, commitments or routine can all push sex down the list of prioritises. Nobody has an unlimited amount of energy and once its gone, the prospect of sexy, bedroom athletics can easily disappear with it. The way I see it, the problem doesn't lie so much with feeling tired, but more with bad timing. Sex gets tagged onto the end of day like an after thought. How many people climb into bed after a long day, to only then consider sex? It's this mode of thought that can be problematic for PWN.

Most people with this condition are likely to have reached a point of complete exhaustion (and possibly fallen asleep) way before they've gotten anywhere near their beds. It's a very simple formula really...

                              

By the time we've crawled our way into bed, it will be with a deep exhaustion that nothing can rival, not even the prospect of hot, steamy sex. Keanu Reeves (my long time love/obsession) could be on bended knee whispering all manner of filth in my ear and I can pretty much guarantee that he wouldn't get past first base!

It's important that our partners understand the formula, to avoid any unnecessary feelings of rejection or hurt. For them to ignore it is a little unfair and can create unnecessary pressure. In my opinion the solution can be easily found - Make sex a priority. Consider trying a different time in the day. If this isn't possible, then have an early night. Allow sex to be the 'unwinding' element of the formula, then both parties can happily fall straight to sleep after guilt free! Of course, there will be times when it's just not going to happen. In the grand scheme of things, this isn't and shouldn't be a big deal. No one should be made to feel guilty for something that is out of their physical control and a lack of desire to have sex due to tiredness is no different.

Did the earth move? Hell yes and so did my legs!

I suspect that the occurrence of cataplexy episodes during sex is much greater than any forum discussion or internet search would have me believe. It's a difficult topic to gauge as there is so little research available. I'm taking an educated guess and proposing that the embarrassing nature of the subject is the main reason for so little discussion. The trouble with embarrassment is that it can easily lead to hiding things, which is only a few stops away from feeling ashamed. I'm concerned that the limited amount of information/discussion online, has the potential for someone newly diagnosed to think that this is an issue that is specific to them, not the condition. 

For those who are new to the term, cataplexy refers to episodes of uncontrollable muscle weakness (such as legs giving way) triggered by an emotion - laughing for example. More detailed information can be found here. 

I consider myself very lucky as I have a very mild form of the condition, with symptoms easily managed with treatment. However, I can imagine that adding a big 'O' to the equation could lead to difficulties for those with untreated or chronic cataplexy. Collapsing in a paralysed heap is bound to be a bit of a mood killer. I would hope that any long term partner would be understanding, however getting to that point with a new partner could be a little embarrassing at first. It makes sense to warn any sexual partners beforehand; perhaps making a bit of a joke out of it so it doesn't feel too uncomfortable. Episodes such as these maybe common place in our world, but other people may never have seen anything like it before and panic. Last thing you need is emergency services knocking at your door! Failing that, perhaps make a big deal of how amazing the encounter was after! Like most things, it's workable and shouldn't be the sole reason for not enjoying an intimate relationship. We all have our quirks, with this just being of the slightly more unusual variety. If a partner is not accepting of me and my quirks then they can jog on, an approach I hope most people adopt.

Image by Lindsay Tiry

Trippy sex

During my digging around I came across an article discussing a link between sexual hypnagogic hallucinations and narcolepsy. In layman's terms, hallucinations triggered during sexual encounters. Now if you'd asked me a few weeks ago if this was something I have experienced, I would have said no. The term automatically had me recalling memories of frightening audio and visual impairments with my brain settled in sleep mode, whilst my body was awake. The more I read, the more I realised...yes, I do experience these!

The paper uses the occurrences of out of body experiences as an example of a hypnagogic hallucination, something that I hadn't given much thought to in the past. The occasional sensations I have of falling, accompanied by a slow, seductive spinning during sex are examples of hallucinations, albeit milder versions. I've never really considered that these were part of my narcolepsy, so it was an interesting read.

So....

Cataplexy, hallucinations and tiredness may all be additional considerations to sex lives, but needn't be the sole reason for avoiding intimate encounters. The most important thing is to discuss any concerns with any partner. Yes its embarrassing and requires a level of openness that may feel a little uncomfortable, but surely that's better than the alternative...avoiding sex or partners misinterpreting situations that can lead to them feeling hurt, frustrated and rejected.

Sex is a healthy element to a relationship. The physical benefits of a regular sex life are well documented - reduction in blood pressure, stress, boost to immunity and promotion of restful sleep. The psychological benefits however, are just as interesting. Research has repeatedly found that the release of the 'love hormone' oxytocin during sex can have a positive effect on anxiety and depression; with one piece of research claiming that oxytocin alone can "change how people see themselves, which could in turn make people more sociable ...a person can perceive themselves as more extroverted, more open to new ideas and more trusting." Medical New Today.  Physical benefits, psychological benefits AND fun. That's good enough reason for me!