Twenty seconds of courage and 10,000 views in 4 months

I'm a great believer in reflective practice; taking the time to stop, think and consider what I have done to date and the direction I would like to go in the future.

Just over 4 months ago I sat with my tablet in hand, a little dismayed by the lack of personal stories, real life experiences of people with narcolepsy online. I was at low point and needed some clarification that I wasn't alone with my limitations that this condition has imposed upon my life. An hour or so before a mum at the school gate had asked me what my plans were in finding work. It was a question asked with genuine curiosity, as she was aware that I had given up doing my masters at the local uni a few months before; something that her and others believed was mainly due to 'financial difficulties'. For once my automatic reply that would normally refer to few employment opportunities
and difficulties finding affordable childcare didn't kick in. I simply said "I don't know" and shuffled off home finally acknowledging that I'd had enough of hiding myself, my difficulties and limitations away. I wanted that mum to know the real circumstances of which I live, so she would understand that not working isn't a choice; that I detest being unemployed but that working and symptom management just aren't compatible at the moment. I wanted to be able to say "I have Narcolepsy and its a bit tough at the moment" and for her to be aware and understand a little of the difficulties involved, without me having to explain in depth.

Crazy Narcolepsy started as an online diary to voice these frustrations, most of which were half written and never published. The more I wrote the more I wondered if my reaction (albeit a little extreme as it lasted many, many years!) was similar to others. How many of us hide away? A little research further confirmed my suspicions that particular aspects of the condition were getting little attention and discussion in online circles. Yet these same hidden aspects were affecting me enormously. I took two post it notes from my notice board that detailed affirmations that were wonderfully appropriate. With them stuck to the screen, I published a few articles with a link for friends on Facebook to follow.

"Courage - To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart"
(Brene Brown)

"Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of embarrassing bravery. And I promise you something great will come 
of it"
(We Bought a Zoo)

So much has changed for me during this short space of time. I've chatted to lots of people affected by narcolepsy in differing ways and appreciate this more than I could ever say. I'm now more accepting of my limitations and happy to educate anyone that'll listen. Apologies to those I've bored! I feel focused in being part of a movement that wishes to change perceptions and raise as much awareness as possible.  But more importantly, I have gained confidence to lay my more embarrassing experiences out to the world, in the hope that it will promote discussion and help others. Thank you to everyone for your continued support with this, I cannot stress enough how much I appreciate people taking the time to comment here and email me. You have all helped me to be more confident in my words. A massive, sincere THANK YOU.

One small blog won't change the world, but it may just help a few people who are struggling and that's a success in my book. Twenty seconds of insane courage have brought me to this point. I wonder where twenty seconds of insane courage will take me next?

NB
This is a re-edited version of a post I wrote in April. I haven't the energy to write another at the moment.